Oh god, poor Rosemary!

I…can’t believe this.  I’m offended, angry, and–I’ll be honest, a little amused–at the fact that this stuff is even in EXISTENCE on the internet, in the news, or what-have-you.

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review published a lovely article on Sunday entitled “Don’t let your kids grow up to be…” And although they did it in an obnoxious, flowery, almost story-weaving way, they finished the sentence.  Don’t let your kids grow up to be…  …vampyres.

Oh yes, that’s right.  The Pittsburgh masses have a new problem on their hands with all the “fresh blood” coming into their “five major universities:” Vampyres.

Now, excuse the sarcasm, but this is just ridiculous.  I’m not going to quote the whole article, but please join me in reading this wonderful work of fiction woven by a nameless “journalist.”  Basically, he pulls at our heartstrings with the story of Rosemary, a small-town girl, wishing to feel beautiful and important in the midst of all the fast paced city-folk in Pittsburgh.  Well, luckily, she’s found by a debonair cult leader who “told her what she wanted to hear” and lured her into a “very militant, anti-social environmental group” called agitprop (a combinationf of “agitation” and “propaganda.”  Inevitabley, this lead to her breaking the law, and somehow getting pregnant.

But oh!  Thank god for Rosemary!  She ONLY broke the law and got pregnant!  At least she wasn’t recruited into a “vampyre family!”

Yes, that’s right my friends, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review would like to do its part by warning the worried parents of soon-to-be college students by letting them know of the dangered of “vampyre families” invading it’s schools.  They conveniently blame it on “raging hormones” and as an excuse to be “sexually active with one another but with no one outside the group — thus they believe there can be as much sexual activity as they can handle without fear of AIDS/HIV.”  There are rituals including the drinking of blood (OR cranberry juice, according to the article,) and better yet “photographs can make these sordid rituals and couplings look and feel excitingly exclusive.” And to top it all off, vampyres manipulate the “Rosemarys of the world” so that they “won’t return very quickly to a more normal society.”

What horror!   Vampyre families?!

…now excuse the sarcasm, but wow.  With all of the information available out there on modern day vampyres attempting to speak the truth, THIS is what newspapers are coming up with?  …If you read the article, it doesn’t even sound like a serious a serious piece of journalism.  There are no facts, quotes, statistics, anything, just a cleverly woven hypothetical and fictional heartstring tugger to instill fear into the hearts of worried parents whose worst fear is that their little Rosemary will be tainted.

I’m sorry, anonymous journalist, no offense–really.  If you were writing a short story, this would be fantastic…but–as a factual and informative piece of journalism, it’s lacking.  …Please stop writing about things you know nothing about.

Love always,

Abigail

P.S:  Readers, I hope I do not have to walk you through WHY this article is ridiculous…(for more information on why, please see–the rest of my blog.  <3)